hey. i know it's been forever.

i've been doing school applications. it's stressful. i don't really understand financial aid and whenever i think too hard about decisions, i get a sinking feeling in my stomach. i'm waiting for college decisions, mostly. it's scary!

i applied to a school i really care about. it's something i've wanted for so long, something i've looked away from for years because i know if i looked at it for too long i'd want it so bad that if i didnt get it i couldnt breathe. the worst part is i know i'm not what they're looking for.

i am hopelessly average. years of undiagnosed ADHD and dysphoria blues have taken my dedication and love for learning and turned it into apathy. im getting better, but i worry it's too late- my grades are already in.

i guess it will be a good lesson, whatever the outcome.

also shoutout hal! idk if you'll ever read this blog again but i hope you're well!!

anyways, i have homework to catch up on. check out my study playlist LOLL

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