3:37am, june 11, 2020
i'm writing this at around 3am on a friday night. and i'm proud of it. i have spent years fighting my instincts, but this post is my declaration of war on sleep. society has progressed past the need for sleep, and so have i. i was going to make an introductory blog post, but no one is going to read this ever (hi mom and dad i hope you're not reading this either :( it's okay bc even if you have i've censored it all already haha) (hi mitadmissions officer! wow, if you're reading this, i made it! this is a pipe dream but i do enjoy getting my own hopes up for the thrill of it. hey, ya gotta cope somehow.)
first, the most important rule in the game of staying up: caffeine. my beverage of choice on late nights like this is simple: the tired man's cafe mocha. i 'accidentally' forget to take the coffee grounds out of the keurig and add hot chocolate. if you haven't tried this concoction, how are you alive??? how do you find joy in everyday life?? this creation brings me peace, harmony, and most importantly, ENERGY for the upcoming all-nighter.
relaxed at my desk with my drink, the work begins. the secret to maximizing your ability to work is by taking advantage of your circadian rhythm. i personally am able to function starting at 3am (why i'm writing this post right now). I'm no doctor and this is definitely unhealthy, but it is fun, so does it really matter? you can get SO MUCH done when your circadian rhythm is in line. just like prometheus, you may be in agony for 99% of the time, but the moment when the gods restore your liver of a circadian rhythm will be that much better for the solace it provides you. (and it will be that much worse when the gods send vultures down 30 minutes later and you pass out at you desk, but that's beside the point.)
call me a vampire, but daylight hurts. the agony of living in this reality is so much harsher in the daylight; mirrors tell you who you're not, everyone around you tells you what to do, the sweetfrog doesn't open till 11am. i'll be the first to tell you- night is where true passions shine; hours of videos, of secrets typed in some obscure corner of the internet( ;) ), conversations with friends. night is a solace for thinkers, for people who had dreams and hopes and ambitions and now have a handful of lost opportunities. at night, anything is possible.
the night is when most of my friends are up, so truly, it is better for my social life if i get 0 sleep studying, i swear! there's nothing like calling a kindred spirit and discussing consciousness- taking dumplings out of the microwave with one hand and gesturing wildly with the other, trying to prove that i exist, that we exist, that the immutable feeling of being real (5:43-6:18) means something, that i'm not a brain that just blinked into existence in a cold, empty, dead universe with years of fabricated memories and 3 seconds left to think something real funny before i go-- you can't say this the same way in the daylight. there's not the same magic in the things you say (probably because you're not sleep deprived!) in the harsh, cold, sun, the reminder that this life is a work of chance and probablility, a reminder of the grim totality of space. but not the night. stillness wrapped around me like a blanket, hot drink in hand, i can dream of infinities and alternate universes where everything goes right.
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